Daily Grindhouse | FANTASTIC FOUR: FIRST FIGURES!

Terrible headline on my part. These are hardly the first Fantastic Four action figures. These are just the first FANTASTIC FOUR: FIRST STEPS action figures.

If you would like to know my first Fantastic Four action figure, it was probably this PVC figurine from 1990 (I think). I got that on an early trip to Forbidden Planet, which was like the Holy Land to me. But this was the state of Marvel figures back then, post-Secret Wars and pre-Toy Biz. It didn’t move at all. It was just a chunk of orange plastic, but let me tell you, as far as things went in my imagination, this guy just ripped through my G.I. Joe figures before they all realized they were on the same side and teamed up against Cobra.

And if you’d like to know my current favorite Fantastic Four action figure, it’s this “Raging Thing” released at the time of FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER (2007). Because it’s technically two figures, and one of them is a stretched-out Mr. Fantastic that you can have the Thing swing around like Indiana Jone’s whip (or a wet noodle, whichever you prefer to imagine). It wasn’t a good movie, and it isn’t a good figure, but I appreciate its awkward strangeness.

“Quiet, you!”

If you’d like more of me joking around about action figures, you can follow my toy-centric Instagram page. But now it’s time to get serious. A new Marvel movie is upon us, and that means all-new miniature plastic versions of well-regarded B-list/A-list-ascendant actors in state-of-the-art Halloween costumes!

Back in March, Hasbro teased the above go-team image to get figure fans excited about the new FF toys, but time moves fast here in the future, and FIRST STEPS hits theaters next month already, with the figures shipping a few days later, on August 1st. That’s if you’re ordering them. You might see them popping up in stores before that date, if experience goes to show, but if you’re set on getting a set of all six figures, you may want to put an official order in. Taking your chances in retail situations is tough these days and only getting tougher, but I don’t have to tell you that.

I like the soft-pastel look of the movie’s promotional imagery, including the team’s periwinkle spacesuits. It’s pleasant and poppy, reminiscent of our collective pop-cultural idea of the 1960s (more than the reality, but again I probably don’t have to tell you that). Judging by the trailers, the movie is set in an early-’60s version of Earth. That’s a nice way to honor the comic book Jack Kirby and Stan Lee created back in 1961. If you saw DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE, you know we’re dealing with multiple Earths and multiple timelines. (Which is exactly why I grew up less a DC fan than a Marvel fan, but don’t get me started.) And if you saw THUNDERBOLTS, more specifically if you waited until the end, you know that SPOILER WARNING! the Fantastic Four are headed to our Earth for some reason to team up with the Avengers. If I did that right, you can highlight the “invisible” text to read that spoiler.

Here are the six figures Hasbro is releasing to celebrate FIRST STEPS!

SUE STORM (VANESSA KIRBY)

The Marvel method, and by that I mean Kevin Feige now rather than Stan Lee’s style, is generally to snap up actors who may not be top stars yet, but who are the safest bets to become stars. Vanessa Kirby is a strong bet in that regard. She’s not a household name just yet (I’m a huge dork and even I forgot she was in JUPITER ASCENDING), but she’s got a theatre background in England, where they spell “theatre” that way, and she’s played prominent roles in super-American franchises like FAST & FURIOUS and MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE. And she played Joséphine against Joaquin Phoenix in Ridley Scott’s NAPOLEON, which may not have been a massive smash but it is the kind of thing that is a huge vote of confidence from Hollywood. Hard to argue against her being cast as Sue Storm. She’s got the ability to play the character who is low-key the most powerful member of the FF.

The figure looks really nice! While I’m not sure this is a pitch-perfect representation of Vanessa Kirby’s likeness, we’ve come a long way from the way Marvel figures used to look, especially when it comes to female characters. Sue comes with an extra set of hands to swap out so she can make various gestures, and she comes with an invisible force shield she can use to fend off bullets and whatever else your bad-guy figures try to throw at her.

REED RICHARDS (PEDRO PASCAL)

Unlike the other three principals, Pedro Pascal is pretty definitely a household name at this point. That’s how you get him as Reed Richards, despite him not being the intuitive choice for the role. (Honestly, I’m not sure who you cast as the world’s smartest man, and I’m not saying it shouldn’t be Pedro Pascal, just that this doesn’t feel like slam-dunk casting, like Chadwick Boseman as Black Panther, who by the way, would have been in the FANTASTIC FOUR movies if he were still around, and now my heart hurts.) Just yesterday I saw a girl walk by with a Pedro Pascal shirt on. He’s not just the internet’s boyfriend. He’s the Earth’s boyfriend. You still need a big star sometimes. You’ve got to do whatever you can to make money with these movies. They don’t come cheap. I like Pedro Pascal! I’m sure he’ll be fine as Reed. I’m a little less certain about this figure’s likeness, but hey, Mister Fantastic can stretch, right? Maybe he stretched a little and changed his appearance, just for this figure, which also comes with two extra-long arms for you to put that stretching power into action.

JOHNNY STORM (JOSEPH QUINN)

I don’t have enough of a bead on this actor to really be sure about the casting choice one way or another. Obviously he doesn’t get this role without STRANGER THINGS, which is a TV show that I definitely do not watch. Maybe he’s great in it! Remember that social-media popularity drives franchise-movie casting these days. You may not know who this guy is, but your kids probably do, and this is, at the end of the day, a Disney movie. I can say I really liked Joseph Quinn in A QUIET PLACE: DAY ONE, but his character there was a sweetheart, a pussycat, a nice guy, which is what Johnny Storm is on the inside. On the outside, he’s flashy and sort of callow. Whatever you want to say about the FANTASTIC FOUR movies of the mid-2000s, Chris Evans was line-drive-down-the-middle perfect casting. There’s an actor who does callow well. It’s why it took me seven movies to accept him as Steve Rogers, and by the time I did, well, you saw ENDGAME.

Whether or not Joseph Quinn is going to flame on or flame out as Johnny Storm, I’m gonna have a hard time with the blonde hair. It’s giving Draco Malfoy or King Joffrey. And there is something vaguely eerie about the close-but-no-cigar likeness of the figure. The little flame effects for his hands are nicely done, though!

THE HUMAN TORCH (ALSO JOSEPH QUINN, ONLY ON FIRE)

This is pretty great! So when Johnny Storm activates his powers, he turns into a red fire being. I like how Hasbro provided Johnny in “human” form and made another Johnny in “Torch” form. The lines still vaguely echoing from Johnny’s spacesuit in a nice way to pay homage to the way Kirby originally drew Johnny, with lines running down his body while flaming. No notes on this; looks terrific. Hope the character looks this sweet in the movie. I guess the only negative is that this figure kind of looks like candy, so don’t leave it around the house, in case your family members mistake it for a big ol’ gummy.

SILVER SURFER (JULIA GARNER)

In the comics, the character who would become the Silver Surfer was originally Norrin Radd (nobody could touch Stan Lee for naming, whatever else you want to argue about). His love interest was named Shalla-Bal, and that’s who becomes the Silver Surfer in this movie. The Silver Surfer originally appeared as the Herald of Galactus, an alien being that warned of a massive and destructive force that you already know about if you watched the FIRST STEPS trailer until the end. Now listen, I’m not keyed into “the manosphere” or “ComicsGate” or anyone else who might take objection to the Silver Surfer being “recast” for the movie with a female actor. I don’t pay attention to those guys. Unlike them, I think women are great. Also unlike them, I’ve even dated several real-life women. It’s great! I recommend it. It’s fun to talk to them and listen to what they have to say and even to learn from them. More dudes who make impotent rage their hobby ought to give it a try. And I can’t imagine ever getting upset about a female actor taking over a part that might in another time have been played by a man. It ain’t that deep, son.

Also, this is one of the better-looking figures in this set. Just a really cool visual. The Silver Surfer, one of Stan Lee’s two favorites of his own c0-creations (the other was Spidey), is a striking and odd character, and it’s cool to see a new take on the imagery. For the record, if Marvel Studios ever gets around to putting Norrin Radd in the movies, my vote is for Keanu, the only logical choice. But I’m more interested to see how this goes.

The figure comes with a silver surfboard, naturally, and also a “cruising” effect that you can use to make the Surfer look like she’s flying through space, and also to keep her posed on the shelf!

BEN GRIMM (EBON MOSS-BACHRACH)

Ebon Moss-Bachrach is an actor who’s been working hard in movies and TV for over twenty years. Sometimes you notice him, and sometimes you don’t. I love actors like that. Sometimes actors need to jump off the screen and force you to remember their names, and sometimes they need to blend into the ensemble, in service of telling the story. His breakout role was in The Bear, in which he’s very good, and no doubt that’s what leads us to this role.

Ben Grimm is one of Marvel’s most beloved characters, but I’m still not sure if everyone out there realizes what a true gem this character really is. He gives you all the fun that the Hulk does — big brightly-colored monster man smashes stuff — but with a more complicated pathology. The Hulk is Jekyll and Hyde. He only realizes what a monster he’s become when he changes back into Bruce Banner. The Thing is always acutely aware of what he looks like to most of the world; the irony being is that few heroes are as loyal, as selfless, as pure of heart. He’s the Golem of legend, but he’s no soulless destroyer. He’s a mensch.

He’s also one of the rare instances in American pop culture where we see the old-school Jewish tough guy in action. Marvel characters are for everyone, but the Thing is extra special to Jewish kids like me. American pop culture presents Jews most often as bookish, neurotic nerds. That’s not my experience. America hears “Jew” and thinks Woody Allen, Seinfeld, maybe Sandler. I think of my grandpa. He was a man of peace, but also, I never saw anybody mess with him. It would have seemed like a bad idea. That to me is Ben Grimm. The Holocaust genre, as many great works as it’s produced, can’t help but present Jews as victims or martyrs. Those movies may be important, but it’s also important to remember that there are some Jews out there who will fuck… you… up. Ben Grimm is the Marvel character most directly influenced by the personality of artist and co-creator Jack Kirby, who beat the shit out of Nazis in real life, just like the Thing does in the comics. Look him up! He’s amazing.

I have high hopes for this movie exactly because of this character. I didn’t detect much of the Brooklyn accent in the trailer, but I’ll wait and see. The design looks great. The figure looks great. (Notice how he has two sets of hands, one set for grabbing stuff, and two fists for clobbering!)

? (JOHN MALKOVICH)

We do not know yet who character-actor legend John Malkovich is playing in FIRST STEPS. I have my guesses. You may have yours. One thing we know for sure is that he is not included in this first batch of figures from the movie. If you want a John Malkovich figure, here’s what you’re going to have to do: Go to a flea market and find a “Quentin Turnbull” figure from the 2010 movie JONAH HEX. He’s already got the bushy hair and baggy clothing. Get to customizing your very own [whoever John Malkovich is playing in this movie] action figure! Step Three: Profits!

DOCTOR DOOM (ROBERT DOWNEY JR.)

Doctor Doom, American comic books’ greatest villain, is the Fantastic Four’s arch-enemy. He is not confirmed to appear in FANTASTIC FOUR: FIRST STEPS, but even money would have him popping up in those now-notorious post-credit sequences. As most anybody with an internet connection knows by now, Robert Downey Jr., who played Iron Man for a decade of movies, is returning to this franchise, but bizarrely enough, in the role of Victor Von Doom, not Tony Stark. It’s a weird idea. What can I say that ten billion nerds haven’t already?

But if you want a head start on having your own Victor Von Downey Jr. action figure, that’s a pretty easy one. There’s already a Tony Stark action figure out there with a pretty good likeness. And good news! These little heads pop right off, like dandelions. You can mix-and-match. So grab that Tony Stark head and put it on your Doctor Doom action figure, which you can still track down if you’re lucky. And there you go!

And finally…

GALACTUS (VOICE OF RALPH INESON)

From the trailer, it looks like Galactus is going to feature in the movie. He doesn’t get a figure, but if you want him to fight your FF figures, here’s what you do: Make yourself a big purple helmet, maybe with antlers from a Bullwinkle costume, put it on your head, and there you go. You are Galactus. You hunger! Earth might as well be one big holiday pork roast to you. Go get that pesky Reed Richards! Stomp on that godforsaken Manhattan! And hey, do you have a friend who has a Godzilla costume? Everybody has one of those, right? Now you can really have some fun! Galactus versus Godzilla! Whoever wins, New York loses!

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Jon Abrams

Editor-In-Chief at Daily Grindhouse

Jon Abrams is a New York-based writer, cartoonist, and committed cinemaniac whose complete work and credits can be found at his site, Demon’s Resume. You can contact him on Twitter as @JonZilla___.

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