BLACK SAMURAI (1977)


 


 
Producers: Jim “The Dragon” Kelly, welcome to our office.
 
Jim: Get to the point, Roper.
 
Producer: Uh… right… well… we have a new role for you in our next film. It’s called BLACK SAUMRAI: AGENT FOR DRAGON.
 
Jim: Can I play tennis in it? You know I am thinking of hanging up my kung-fu-ness to teach tennis right?
 
Producer: No Jim, I didn’t know that, that seems… odd.
 
Jim: Call me Dragon damnit!
 
Producer: Sorry Dragon. Yes, we can work in a tennis scene.
 
Jim: You know I only star in shit movies Roper, is this shit?
 
Producer: It’s the shittiest! Why do you keep calling me Roper?
 
Jim: Can I wear jet-pack?
 
Producer: What? Why? This isn’t a Bond film Dragon, why do you need to wear a jet-pack?
 
Jim: It was the last thing Bruce Lee said to me. He said “Jim, wear a damn jet-pack in your next film.”
 
Producer: Okay, okay, a jet-pack. But it wont be real and you’ll be able to see the strings.
 
Jim: Will the audio sync up to the onscreen action?
 
Producer: No, we are expecting a lot of out-of sync scenes
 
Jim: Will my punches and kicks look like they really connect?
 
Producer: Rarely.
 
Jim: Rarely or never?
Producer: Never, we will make sure you are at least a yard away from where your punches and kicks should end up.
 
Jim: Sounds like you got yourself a real stinker, Roper.
 
Producer: Seriously, why do you keep calling me Roper?
 
Jim: Sign me up before I challenge you to a tennis match and hump your wife.
 
Producer: I am not married, Jim.
 
Jim: Dragon!
 
Producer: Dragon.
 

 

SEE YOU ON FORTY DEUCE,
 
G

 

Jon Abrams

Editor-In-Chief at Daily Grindhouse
Jon Abrams is a New York-based writer, cartoonist, and committed cinemaniac whose complete work and credits can be found at his site, Demon’s Resume. You can contact him on Twitter as @JonZilla___.
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