Well, it’s been said that the bad guys are more interesting. It’s not true in real life, but sometimes it’s true in pop culture. It’s arguably almost always true when it comes to 1980s cartoons based on toys.
The challenge for a movie like MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE is to make every character interesting and worth following. But whether or not the movie succeeds with its hero, they would have to really go a long way to whiff the villain. It’s sort of a lay-up.
The villain from the cartoon He-Man And The Masters Of The Universe was a sorcerer with periwinkle-blue skin and a skull for a head who was always whining and running away. He was hilarious, if not exactly threatening. I guess when you’re pitching a show to kids, you have to do something to make the skull-headed guy just a little less scary than he might look.
Skeletor
This movie is a bold project, because the job here is to take Skeletor, best known today from memes on social media, and turn him into Darth Vader. Even on the 1980s cartoon, where he was supposedly serving as the lead villain, he wasn’t Darth Vader. He was cowardly and petulant. And while the question of whether or not He-Man makes sense as a queer icon is shielded under subtext, Skeletor was always camp. He was summer camp. He was Meatballs. He could have fit right in with the Dreamlanders. Skeletor is PINK FLAMINGOS.
The 1987 MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE film cast Frank Langella as Skeletor. The man had played Dracula! It was a bit of a shift away from the cartoon version of Skeletor, but ultimately just as goofy. I think a new movie could really make an intriguing character out of the basic elements of past incarnations. I don’t know if they could ever get a real serious actor like Frank Langella to play the character again, but there are plenty of crafty actors today who could come up with a funky take on a villain who looks like the ultimate evil but is ultimately weak inside. It’s kind of a part with some potential!
Unfortunately, Skeletor is played by Jared Leto.
Evil-Lyn
In Masters Of The Universe, every character has their counterpart. The forces of good has their Sorceress, and so too do the forces of evil. Evil-Lyn is the bad magic lady here. It’s in her name, so you know she’s committed.
Meg Foster was great in the 1987 movie, one of its highlights. The new movie has managed to be equally lucky. This role is probably the most inspired casting in the movie: Alison Brie is a sharp comedienne in addition to a deft actor in drama and anything else she does, who I have no doubt thoroughly understands the assignment.
Beast Man
Believe it or not, this dreamboat’s appearance is an upgrade from the way he looked when he was an action figure.
The Beast-Man action figure is legendarily ugly. Yes, I know we aren’t supposed to comment on the unfortunate appearances of others, but there’s no underselling how ugly this guy was.
“Hello, ladies!”
He wasn’t much prettier on the cartoon.
I know I’m not being nice, but I loved him. So hopefully he’ll forgive me. I loved Moss Man too. Moss Man was a Beast Man figure they glued green flocking to and sprayed pine scent all over. It’s emblematic of how chintzy the whole thing was, but ask six-year-old me if I cared.
MOSS MAN.
Tri-Klops
This is the sort of name that can drive a person crazy. Obviously it’s a derivation of “Cyclops,” but there’s no wit to it. What’s the joke? And notoriously, the Cyclops was famous for having just the one eye. It was like his entire thing. Christopher Nolan has THE ODYSSEY coming next month. Watch that movie and tell me how many eyes that Cyclops has.
One.
The answer is one. It’s gonna be one.
The prefix “Tri-“ means three. You’re not being clever by tacking a “Tri-“ onto a Cyclops. You’d be changing his entire essence. Don’t you see?
That said, despite being a cursed character, Tri-Klops gets a glow-up here to rival Beast-Man’s. Doesn’t he look cool? I could see that guy step off the poster to go fight John Wick.
Kojo Attah plays Tri-Klops.
Trap-Jaw
To me, this was always the character who was most interesting. He has blue skin, like Skeletor, but his face was green, like it was jaundiced or diseased. And Trap-Jaw clearly had been through some shit before he showed up. He has that robotic arm, which in the toys and cartoons he could swap out for various weapons. Oh yeah, and the bottom of his face is missing. He got turned into a human Nutcracker. No wonder that my brother was a little cranky.
The figure also had a tiny loop on the top of his helmet that you could slip a string through and make him zip-line head-first if you wanted to. Definition of “don’t try this at home.”
Sam C. Wilson plays Trap-Jaw.
Spikor
I loved this figure. It took me way too long to figure out why his look here throws me. It’s because he has a nose. He didn’t when he was an action figure. I guess human actors come with noses, no matter how much makeup you cake onto their faces. Guy’s got to breathe. I can relate to that. Once you accept the nose-having, it is clear that this is a perfect port over from figure to film. My only question is how does Spikor sleep?
Not on his back, that’s for sure. You ruin more waterbeds and air mattresses that way…
Spikor is played by James Apps.
Goat Man
I hate to admit that I don’t remember the Almighty Satan being part of the Masters of the Universe franchise. You’d think I would have remembered something like that.
Also:
What’s he wearing? I don’t know why it only leaps out to me now, but the distance between Masters of the Universe costume and design and leather-fetish porn is frighteningly small. Is this movie okay for kids? You know what, eff that. Bring ‘em! Bring the kids! Open their little minds to alternative lifestyles early, I guess.
As far as I know, Goat Man is no relation to Ram Man, however intuitive that may sound, zoologically speaking.
But I bet Goat Man would like to know Ram Man, Biblically speaking. Get ready, Ram Man!
MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE is in theaters now.
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