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This is the second Chemical Burn release I’ve reviewed for these bastards at Daily Grindhouse, and I keep falling deeper and deeper in love with them. MUCKMAN was a ton of fun, and ORDER OF ONE ramped up the fun silliness by one million percent. I anxiously await my opportunity to discuss more Chemical Burn releases. It feels good to know when I see that logo on a DVD I’m, at the very least, going to have fun for the next 90 minutes or so. That’s a rare guarantee in the film industry. I hope I’m not wrong. Like I said, this is only my second Chemical Burn review, but I’ll allow my hopes to remain high and we’ll see what happens with the next one.
ORDER OF ONE is a weird mixture of kung-fu, chase film, shoot ’em up, and 60s era BATMAN. If you think that sounds odd, wait ‘til I tell you about it: The story starts off normal enough, with a news reporter walking into his usual nighttime haunt. He sits down and begins a conversation with a new face, and they immediately cut away before the story starts. They then introduce the real star of the film: a convict they’re transporting to a high-security prison – Sonny (Jason Cavalier) is his name, and kicking all sorts of ass is his motherfuckin’ game. We don’t really know anything about him yet – he’s just a prisoner now – but once you start wondering who he is, three women in skintight tie-dyed outfits walk in and start shooting the fuck out of the place. This gives Sonny the chance he needs to escape, and in the process, he picks up the news reporter and The Sword.
Turns out the killer bitches are after said sword, and it’s so legendary they can’t name it anything more than The Sword. Reporter Ross (Kevin Woodhouse) obtained it from the man he was chatting with in the diner (before the guy got a bullet put through his skull). He was a member of an order sworn to protect the blade against the evil powers of Mr. Park, and his kung-fu fighting goon squad. To say “kung-fu fighting” is no big deal in the universe ORDER OF ONE takes place in. Everyone is a badass ass-kicker in this world – even Ross the reporter – though few as good as the ultimate badass Sonny. When I said he kicks all sorts of ass, I wasn’t kidding. He’s the best new DTV martial artist I’ve seen in a very long while. He’s got an interesting look, and you’d NEVER guess this guy flies around the way he does. Actually that’s one of my biggest compliments to the film. The stunt choreography and cinematography were impeccably done. Kudos to the team behind the fights. The action was done in a way that covered up any fault the performers might have had.
The storyline is wafer thin, but that’s to be expected. The film would have toppled under its own weight if they had tried to add anything more. Hell, the back-story they included was almost too much. They manage to keep the action going, and there are very few lulls. We learn that Sonny was wrongfully accused, despite being far from innocent. Ultimately he’s a good guy, willing to take on an entire army alone with the possibility of death around every corner. Ross is only really interested in getting The Sword back to The Order. Sonny makes this a little tough with an occasional lapse in judgment, deciding he wants the blade for himself.
See, The Sword possesses whoever holds it and gives them incredible power. In the hands of someone as powerful as Sonny, surely the world would fall to his will. Or perhaps the Tri-State area? In Mr. Park’s efforts to get the blade, he “hires” several hitmen (who all owe him money). He uses their debt as a means of getting them to pursue his interests. Each hitman is as pathetic as the last, and only one is remotely interesting as a character: a 2-bit conman and 3-time loser named Horace, who owns a strip club with two of the worst strippers ever. Sure, they show their tits and bend over – a step up from some other movie strippers – but that’s all they really do. Flash the tit, bend over, flash the tit, bend over…it gets a little old.
Horace sets a trap that he knows will lure an ex-con who’s been in prison for a long time. YUP! FREE BEER! AND IT WORKS!! He gets Sonny and Ross into the club and ambushes them. The ambush is where we finally learn the true power of The Sword, and it’s also where the writer decided to snag my favorite line from ROBOCOP: “Bitches, leave.” Have you ever been so badass that word bubbles pop out of thin air declaring what move you’re doing? Well, Sonny has – every time he does a “special move,” it’ll pop up like old school BATMAN. Moves with names like:
HEART EXPLODE PALM
DRUNKEN CUE SWIPE
SKULL DESTRUCTION FIST
EYEBALL EXIT PUNCH
HEART EXTRACTION FIST
Overall, Ross and Sonny spend much of the movie kicking ass or gun fighting. They get chased by the killer bitches (Sonny falls in love with one), a card-carrying Badass named The Cancun Kid, and Mr. Park and his son (who they just call Park). Sonny does about ten million amazing things, including jump kicking THROUGH a windshield, gets brought back from the dead, and runs through an office building in first person like a video game. Ross gets beaten up a lot and eventually killed (uh…spoiler?)…..
I honestly can’t recommend this flick enough. I know I have a reputation for intentionally watching/ loving bad films, but that’s not the case at all with ORDER OF ONE. I legitimately loved the shit out of it. It’s the perfect amount of batshit crazy and over-the-top action.
So, a big ole FUCK YEAH to Chemical Burn for this monster, and I look forward to more coming my way.
Verdict: WATCH THIS MOTHERFUCKER!
Drink up! I’ve got movies to watch…
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