This season of “Game of Thrones” is over! Wasn’t that wild, the way that one character died and those other characters had sex and that other character was killed and that one thing happened? It was shocking!
Okay, so I’ve never actually seen “Game of Thrones.” I’ll get to it eventually. But I’m still here for you, just in case you’re going through GoT withdrawl, with 10 flicks featuring swords, sorcery, buxomness and bloodshed that are… well, very little like “Game of Thrones.” The poster art, as usual, links to the Netflix page for the title.
10. Deathstalker (1983)
Roger Corman produced this goofy Argentena-shot flick from a script by Hoard R. Cohen with the charisma-free Rick Hill in the title role, a warrior who faces off against a sorcerer who occasionally changes his minions’ genders. The ladies include Barbi Benton and Lana Clarkson, the latter of whom went on to star in…
9. Barbarian Queen (1985)
…as the titular (in a couple of ways) matriarch of a village who attempts to liberate her people. Future director Katt Shea co-stars, with Frank Zagarino.
8. Valhalla Rising (2009)
Nicolas Winding Refn’s Viking pic is more ONLY GOD FORGIVES than DRIVE, but if you’re in the mindset for something moody, pensive, and beautifully-shot, this tale of a warrior (Mads Mikkelsen) in the New World will fit the bill nicely.
7. Knives of the Avenger (1966)
If you want your Vikings to, y’know, do something more than wander around pensively, however, Mario Bava can fill the need with his 1966 flick about a knife-thrower who protects a woman and her son, even if he came into the picture after it had already started shooting.
6. Solomon Kane (2009)
It took several years before this tale based on Robert E. Howard’s pulp character to reach U.S. shores, but it’s still quite good, if much darker than the standard Hollywood tentpoles. James Purefoy plays the title role on his journey of redemption and battles with evil, featuring Max Von Sydow, Pete Postlethwaite, Rachel Hurd-Wood and Alice Krige.
5. Centurion (2010)
The underrated Neil Marshall (THE DESCENT, DOOMSDAY) directed this adventure pic set in 2nd-century Britain as a group of Roman soldiers fights for survival. Michael Fassbender stars in this typically bloody flick.
4. Hercules vs. the Hydra (1960)
If old-school sword and sandal is more your bag, check out real-life couple Mickey Hargitay and Jayne Masfield in this Italian/French co-production. Despite the cover, Masfield has red hair in the film. It does, however, contain a Hydra.
3. Black Death (2010)
You want death? Christopher Smith’s First Bubonic Plague-set flick about a knight (Sean Bean) sent to investigate a woman who may be able to bring people back to dead has plenty of it. With David Warner and John Lynch.
2. Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame (2010)
Tsui Hark directed this detective tale with over-the-top martial arts and a smattering of magic, as the title sleuth (Andy Lau) investigates mysterious deaths in 7th century China.
1. Xena, Warrior Princess (1995-2000)
This is basically the same as “Game of Thrones,” right? But produced by Sam Raimi, so it’s even better? It’s got swords, some supernatural stuff and sexual tension, and even the occasional Bruce Campbell.
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