Welcome back to The Wall! We’ve scoured the release list and boiled it down, as always, to the absolute must-buys of the week. Yeah, there are more titles that are dropping, certainly bigger budgets and ad campaigns on par with a Michael Bay film, but NOTHING this week is as cool as the titles we have listed. Dig the goods, Bastards.









8 Blu-rays. 8 classic films. This is what perfection looks like. This is the way each of you should be kicking off the month of October; getting schooled by the original creators of nightmares and wonderment. These monsters speak to who we are and each represent something more than the make-up and effects they are known for. These films mean a lot to most of the DG crew; I have stacks of books that talk about these films or reference them as a key to the power of cinema. This is without a doubt one of the best releases of the year; a full review and dissection of the set coming soon.



A Joe Dante release coming out the same day as the Universal Monster collection is the world doing you a solid. Karma can be a hot bitch and this one wants to swallow every inch of film geek. THE HOLE has been called the return of Dante, but the dude never left. He’s just been doing other things like television, short films, and working on a little site called TRAILERS FROM HELL which sucks up countless hours of my time every fucking week. Critics with their heads in the sand aside, THE HOLE is a fantastic and fun film from one of the greats. Dante brings a feeling of classic horror to this flick that is packed with good jumps and genuinely creepy moments. It does what a Dante film is known for; giving you that feeling of Jolt Cola and Pop Rocks all at once in one 90 minute package of cool. A full review coming soon.

We have talked to John Carpenter a lot and consider him and his wife Sandy friends of the site but this is a pretty uneven film. I think even he would admit this. It was treated as more of an experiment than anything else. A group of friends working their cinematic muscles for really the first time. It may only work about 35% of the time but it was part of the path he had to walk to get to ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 and I don’t know about you, but I’ll take my lumps if it means getting to that good shit.

IRON SKY is not the movie that everyone had in their heads when they first saw the initial trailers, and thought this could be the movie that SKY CAPTAIN AND THE WORLD OF TOMORROW should have been. Instead, it’s a solid little satire with some impressive-looking set pieces that doesn’t have a sadistic bone in its body, and that’s not a bad thing at all. Red Paul Freitag’s full review here.

The flick boasts a genuinely creepy story, solid direction, and a strong cast. But what really brings it to the forefront for me is the slew of WTF?! moments strewn throughout: the semi incident, the grisly demise of Fred Gwynne, and last but certainly not least, Denise Crosby’s FUCKING HORRIFYING sister Zelda. That bitch still haunts my dreams. And hats off to Miko Hughes for his portrayal of a very convincing psycho kid. Not an easy feat, Bastards. – The Creeper


This is what happens when studios go for the easy cash-grab and don’t care about the audience. You get a shit-box of a film to laugh at when your high and get your eyeballs shit in when you’re not. Actually, I am not sure I can even laugh at this thing when I am high.

And speaking of shit-boxes…

Tim Burton is one of my favorite directors. I just dig the way his films creep around the spookier parts of our realities and his appreciation for all things horror. However, I think this is a total, though rare, miss for a brilliant director. Maybe it’s time for Depp and Burton to call it good; slap each other a high five and move on, see some other people. Call it a hiatus. Run back into each other’s arms in slow motion to a powerful ballad in five years but until then. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM EACH OTHER. THE MAGICAL PAIRING IS GONE. Kirk out.

This is considered porn in the home of Lindsay Wagner. It’s considered cool as hell everywhere else.

Kind of a mess, but the heart is in a right place which earns it a watch.

Though I dug his take on Detective Dee, Tsui Hark hasn’t really made anything special since 2005’s SEVEN SWORDS and unfortunately this film is a bit too overstuffed with mediocre action to be enjoyable. I am getting tired of CGI martial arts; it just doesn’t impress me when someone is being aided by a computer. This film isn’t an outright failure; it’s just kind of pointless.

I need to watch this again. I wasn’t in the best mood when I saw this flick which has its share of dark and disturbing moments but I didn’t care for it on first pass, but I was in the minority. Most people I have talked to dug it, in fact I wouldn’t be surprised to see this on some Top 10 lists.

And speaking of Top 10 lists; this one is going to have a spot for sure. I am a sucker for Film Noir and I dig when someone can take that genre and give it a special spin which is what director Pen-Ek Ratanaruang did. This flick is smart, brutal, and tough as nails. It plays with contrast just as much as the best noirs play with shadows. Close to perfection.

That’s it for this week, Bastards.
We’ll be back next week with: E.T.: THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL (Blu), PROMETHEUS, LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS (Blu), RED DAWN (Blu), and more.
Until then…








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    October 5, 2012

    Daaaaamn, October, why you gots to bankrupt me?

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