Evil-robot-doll drama M3GAN, written by the talented Akela Cooper (HELL FEST, MALIGNANT), directed by Gerard Johnstone (check out HOUSEBOUND!), and produced by Jason Blum and James Wan, is officially a box-office hit, despite its PG-13 rating… or maybe because of it? The battle wages on… on Horror Twitter, anyway.
PG-13 ratings have gotten a strange rep in recent conversation as being somehow lesser than a hard R rating, especially when it comes to horror. Whether it’s because of perceived constraints within the system or some other bias, the embittered words forget one thing: some of the genre’s hallmark classics are PG-13, and working creatively within the boundaries of what fits under the rating is a skill unto itself. (KATELYN NELSON)
INDIANA JONES & THE TEMPLE OF DOOM (1984)
The PG-13 rating’s origin story begins here, with Steven Spielberg and creative partner George Lucas so influential that Spielberg could persuade the MPAA to create a rating in between G and R. (Not to be confused with G N’ R ????) There wasn’t one until then. JAWS, which technically opens with a naked lady, was only a PG. It feels weird to suggest that TEMPLE OF DOOM is a darker movie than RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, which has fucking Nazis as the villains, but it really does feel that way, doesn’t it? For my part, since I was still a baby when RAIDERS hit theaters, my first Indiana Jones movie was TEMPLE OF DOOM, and I saw it dozens of times on cable before I ever caught up with RAIDERS. That’s a funny way to get to know Indy, maybe, but a cool one: When you’re a kid and you meet Indy for the first time in TEMPLE OF DOOM, you’re not doing it through Indy’s eyes or Marion’s or in this case Willie’s — you’re doing it through the eyes of Short Round, Indy’s capable and reliable kid sidekick, played by Ke Huy Quan. As dark and definitely “problematic” as so many elements of TEMPLE OF DOOM look today, there’s still one brilliant beam of light. Short Round is how you learn to love Indy for once-upon-a-time kids like me, and for me, it’s not all-the-way Indy without Shorty. That kid is great. There’s only really one reason I ever watched THE GOONIES as many times as I did: Ke Huy Quan. (Okay, him and Cyndi Lauper.) Just wanted to spend more time hanging with that guy! It’s such a nice thing to see him finally getting his flowers this year with a win at the Golden Globes. I’d love to see him in the upcoming Indiana Jones movie: Maybe it can explain what, if TEMPLE OF DOOM is a prequel to RAIDERS, ever happened to Shorty. I can promise you I’m not the only one who always wanted to know where in the world he went next.
KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE (1988)
I love it when a title tells you everything you need to know. Are they killers? Yep. Klowns? Yes indeed. From outer space? You betcha. This candy-colored camp delight from the Chiodo Brothers is an outlandish good time. It’s surprisingly grisly for a PG-13 movie, but it manages to be hilarious at the same time. It also features one of the all-time best horror theme songs, so KILLER KLOWNS is truly firing on all cotton candy-flavored cylinders. (JESSICA SCOTT)
ELVIRA: MISTRESS OF THE DARK (1988)
I wasn’t exposed to Elvira through her TV show, Movie Macabre, so it wasn’t until MISTRESS OF THE DARK eventually made its way to cable that I discovered her. From that moment on, I was a fan. I was 14 or 15 when I saw it and as a boy of that age there were obvious reasons why it resonated, but more than anything, the movie left an impact on me because of how crazy and funny it was. Written by Cassandra Peterson with Sam Egan and the late, great John Paragon, MISTRESS OF THE DARK pushed the line of sexual innuendo, but never quite steps over it. It’sa great example of how sometimes less is a whole lot more. (ROBERT CLARK)
TROLL 2 (1990)
I’m old enough to have been young enough to have been genuinely disturbed by TROLL 2 way back when, stumbling upon it during its then-endless rotation in cable purgatory. Some movies unsettled me back then because that’s what they were designed to do. And then there’s this one, which unsettled me just by being itself. I didn’t know much about movies, but I knew there was something wrong with this movie. This is before TROLL 2 grew into its “Best Worst Movie” status. Watching it alone, I was unnerved by the hideous masks (one of them remains the literally spitting image of Trump crony Roger Stone), unbalanced by the unfortunate performances, and generally repulsed by the look, sound, and overall experience of the thing. No doubt it’s unique in its badness. Many people are better at finding the humor here. God bless ‘em. For me the prevailing reaction is still queasiness. Fun fact: Costume designs by 1970s sexploitation icon Laura Gemser! (JON ABRAMS)
ARACHNOPHOBIA (1990)
So at 12 or 13 I was foisted upon a group of older kids who wanted to see THE PLAYER, but I figured an R movie would be over my head and wanted to see the scary movie playing at the time instead. Fear of spiders is not my issue; your mileage may vary. To me I think this movie is spider slander much the way JAWS (another Spielberg production) is shark slander, although both are entertaining for sure. I’m just saying spiders have a compelling legal case. The main thing I still remember from this movie, which I haven’t seen since I was a kid, is the same reason I wholeheartedly recommend it to you today, and that is the performance as the exterminator by America’s greatest actor John Goodman. (JON ABRAMS)
THE ADDAMS FAMILY (1991)
Director Barry Sonnenfeld and legendary cinematographer Owen Roizman (RIP) brought America’s First Goth Family to life in this ingeniously wicked and macabre movie about Charles Addams’s misfits. The entire cast is perfect, with Raul Julia, Anjelica Huston, and Christina Ricci turning in iconic performances that defined Gomez, Morticia, and Wednesday Addams for generations. This creepy and kooky movie is perfect gateway horror, and it still holds up for adult fans as well. (JESSICA SCOTT)
THE SIXTH SENSE (1999)
A movie whose reputation precedes it, immortalized forever by the single line, “I see dead people,” THE SIXTH SENSE undeniably proves that a movie doesn’t have to be rated R to be effectively terrifying. It also includes one of the greatest child performances of all time from Haley Joel Osment as Cole, our conduit to the other side. Working with child psychologist, Malcolm (Bruce Willis) as an attempt from his mother (Toni Collette) to manage his disturbing thoughts, the two soon realize that Cole may actually posses a sight beyond our own spiritual plane. What THE SIXTH SENSE lacks in blood, guts, and various obscenities, it makes up for in spades with its deep sense of existential dread, moments of bone chilling psychological horror, and of course, ghosts! (RILEY CASSIDY)
WILLARD (2003)
The original 1971 WILLARD featured a cast including Bruce Davison, Elsa Lanchester, Sondra Locke, and Ernest Borgnine. That’s hard to top, but the remake pretty much did it by bringing in Crispin Glover, Laura Elena Harring, and R. Lee Ermey in the Borgnine role. The casting is really the masterstroke here, and the movie itself is sort of secondary for that reason, though very worth watching. This movie will always be essential for the remake of the genuinely insane Michael Jackson ballad “Ben,” performed beautifully by star Crispin Glover. (JON ABRAMS)
THE GRUDGE (2005)
One of the scariest films I’ve ever seen — and one of the most formative in my horror journey — is PG-13. THE GRUDGE scares the shit out of me to this day, and I still haven’t been able to bring myself to watch the original Japanese JU-ON for fear it is somehow infinitely worse than the 2000s American adaptation. While it is graphic in many ways, the strongest lasting mark for me — and, I think, a testament to the potential for PG-13 horror in general — is the use of sound. In place of incredibly graphic violence that might be expected or at home in an R-rated version, we’re left with haunting implications through the sounds made by the characters. I still feel like I need to keep one eye over my shoulder if anyone mimics the throaty croaking sound the child Toshio and his mother Kayako’s vengeful spirit make. (KATELYN NELSON)
DRAG ME TO HELL (2009)
As a huge fan of Sam Raimi’s EVIL DEAD Trilogy, I waited years for his return to horror and when he did, it was with this PG-13 gem. Not as profane and gory as his adventures with Ash Williams, this is nonetheless an exciting return to form. Filled with as much scares, shocks, and gore as the rating would allow, including a scene with a recently-deceased old Gypsy woman (played by Lorna Raver) in a parking garage that rivals EVIL DEAD 2 for intensity, this outing for Raimi really shows how adept he is operating in the horror world. (ROBERT CLARK)
HAPPY DEATH DAY (2017)*
A slasher movie with just one victim seems boring until you add a GROUNDHOG DAY twist to it. That’s what makes HAPPY DEATH DAY, written by comics scribe Scott Lobdell and directed by Christopher Landon, so unique and fun! Light on gore, but not on the scares. Throw in some fun comedy and I’m sold! Tree (Jessica Rothe), our victim/final girl, is someone you’ll dislike in the beginning, but love in the end. (ROBERT CLARK)
HAPPY DEATH DAY 2U (2019)*
Tree, our final girl-slash-victim, returns for another day of dying! This time, Christopher Landon both wrote and directed and as for Tree, she’s stuck in an alternate timeline and now has to figure out how to get back to hers while also stopping a new killer. More sci-fi than the first, with a little more comedy, but still wildly enjoyable. (ROBERT CLARK)
*Asterisk! We ranked these two movies as one mainly so we could add an extra to our list.
OLD (2021)
M. Night Shyamalan is no stranger to making PG-13 rated horror. He’s managed to wring tension and terror out of genre pictures deemed a bit softer by the rating board since his breakout hit THE SIXTH SENSE. Four decades later and he’s still making films that punch above their MPAA rating; his adaptation of the French comic SANDCASTLE, retitled OLD, is nastier than a great many R-rated horror pictures. It’s easy to imagine this film as a late ‘60s/early ‘70s Roger Corman production entitled “The Beach That Makes You Old!”, what with its exploitation movie sensibilities towards thrills, sex, and violence. Shyamalan stretches the limit of the PG-13 rating by giving us Lovecraftian body horror, infant death, and awkward adolescent sexuality while keeping just enough offscreen to refrain from tipping the scales too far. Even the tropey elements of OLD like directorial cameos, once criticized as being proof of Shyamalan’s navel-gazey auteurist limitations, feel both earned and well utilized, suited to the film’s schlocky, grindhouse feel. M. Night’s role as a mysterious overseer watching the drama play out through the lens of recording equipment is a fun meta note that never feels too self-serious and the ending twist is both delightfully silly and more than a little creepily realistic. (LAURA RIORDAN)
M3GAN (2023)
One of the highlights of a deeply brutal 2022 (for me) was that my sister has gotten into horror movies. After all these years of having a horror freak for a brother, she finally got around to it. We like to go check out movies in the theater, without me being too precious about which. Sometimes you get a SMILE and sometimes you get a PREY FOR THE DEVIL, and so it goes. This week we got a M3GAN. Long story short, my sister didn’t love it (not that scary) but I absolutely flipped. No, it’s not that scary, and yes, you’ve seen versions of this story before. Skip those listicles about which movies did the killer-doll thing already. The important thing here is how everyone from top to bottom carries it off with panache. (For one thing, in the role of “M3gan” Elizabeth Olsen gives her career-best performance.) I know, I know: You’ve seen plenty of horror movies; not only do you know exactly what’s going to happen when Allison Williams brings a prototype smart-doll home to keep her grieving niece company, you could have predicted the fates of Celia and her mean, mean dog, you know Brandon is toast (even if you missed the trailer), but you’re experienced enough to know once you meet “Bruce” that you’re going to see him again at a key moment. But did you expect M3gan to start singing right then? Or that she’d be AutoTuned? Did you ever figure she’d be able to do nimbly play “Toy Soldiers” by piano? Or that she’d skip right over the Eminem version and go straight to the original by Martika of Kids Incorporated? Don’t lie now. Not to me. It’s the journey, not the destination. It’s the way the musician plays the notes, man. When Miles Davis plays “Straight, No Chaser,” are you gonna complain he’s not the one who wrote the song? (JON ABRAMS)
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Jon Abrams is a New York-based writer, cartoonist, and committed cinemaniac whose complete work and credits can be found at his site, Demon’s Resume. You can contact him on Twitter as @JonZilla___.
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