When I was a kid, Christmas was about presents and Christmas specials. Fuck goodwill towards men, fuck the joy of giving, fuck the fruitcake (seriously, have you tried that?), just turn on the Christmas special with my favorite characters busting out some yuletide cheer and I was a happy little fat-ass. Sometimes though, the genius of Fred Flintstone wearing a beard went the way of A Very Brady Christmas and gave us a Christmas abortion instead of a chuckle. This a list of said abortions wrapped up in a bow of crazy.
THE TOP 10 WORST HOLIDAY SPECIALS
10. THE SMURFS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
Cause Christmas ain’t blue ya’bastard.
9. THE HE-MAN AND SHE-RA
Cause nothing says Christmas like a roided up man in his battle undies.
8. NESTOR THE LONG EARED DONKEY
Christmas is the perfect time of year for a story about the death of a mother… ya’moron!
7. A COSMIC CHRISTMAS
Nothing like an acid trip to go with that new tie.
6. MORK & MINDY:
MORK’S FIRST CHRISTMAS
Merry Christmas from the happiest, hairiest, coked-up alien around. The video isn’t available, consider that our gift to you.
5. DAVEY AND GOLIATH:
CHRISTMAS LOST AND FOUND
Enjoy this message of peace while we try and gang-save you.
4. CHRISTMAS COMES TO PACLAND
Game over, douche.
3. A VERY BRADY CHRISTMAS
I saw Mama kissing Santa Claus… and then Mama kissed Greg, and then they exchanged a mutual rodgering. The end.
2. THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN:
BIONIC CHRISTMAS CAROL
The best guide available for those looking to fuck up a cool show in 45 minutes. Merry Christmas, ass.
1. THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL
The CITIZEN KANE of bad Christmas specials. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: fuck you, George Lucas.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, BASTARDS!
SEE YOU ON FORTY DEUCE,
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