HEY BASTARDS.

When I was a kid, Christmas was about presents and Christmas specials. Fuck goodwill towards men, fuck the joy of giving, fuck the fruitcake (seriously, have you tried that?), just turn on the Christmas special with my favorite characters busting out some yuletide cheer and I was a happy little fat-ass. Sometimes though, the genius of Fred Flintstone wearing a beard went the way of A Very Brady Christmas and gave us a Christmas abortion instead of a chuckle. This a list of said abortions wrapped up in a bow of crazy.

THE TOP 10 WORST HOLIDAY SPECIALS

10. THE SMURFS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

Cause Christmas ain’t blue ya’bastard.

9. THE HE-MAN AND SHE-RA

CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

Cause nothing says Christmas like a roided up man in his battle undies.

8. NESTOR THE LONG EARED DONKEY

Christmas is the perfect time of year for a story about the death of a mother… ya’moron!

7. A COSMIC CHRISTMAS

Nothing like an acid trip to go with that new tie.

6. MORK & MINDY:

MORK’S FIRST CHRISTMAS

Merry Christmas from the happiest, hairiest, coked-up alien around. The video isn’t available, consider that our gift to you.

5. DAVEY AND GOLIATH:

CHRISTMAS LOST AND FOUND

Enjoy this message of peace while we try and gang-save you.

4. CHRISTMAS COMES TO PACLAND

Game over, douche.

3. A VERY BRADY CHRISTMAS

I saw Mama kissing Santa Claus… and then Mama kissed Greg, and then they exchanged a mutual rodgering. The end.

2. THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN:

BIONIC CHRISTMAS CAROL

The best guide available for those looking to fuck up a cool show in 45 minutes. Merry Christmas, ass.

1. THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL

The CITIZEN KANE of bad Christmas specials. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: fuck you, George Lucas.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, BASTARDS!

SEE YOU ON FORTY DEUCE,

G

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Jon Abrams

Editor-In-Chief at Daily Grindhouse

Jon Abrams is a New York-based writer, cartoonist, and committed cinemaniac whose complete work and credits can be found at his site, Demon’s Resume. You can contact him on Twitter as @JonZilla___.

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