THE 2017 BIZARRO OSCARS! BY THE DAILY GRINDHOUSE STAFF

 

 

 

 

 

It is a dimension much like our own, but different. Pam Grier is our celebrity president. There are no late-night Jimmys to host. We’d get Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner. The oldest Jews we can possibly get. The ceremony is fifteen minutes long, soup to nuts. No one cares what or who you’re wearing, as long as you’re comfortable in your own skin. All the seat-fillers are human-sized Muppets. You know, the tall guys in full-body Muppet costumes.This dimension is strange, but somehow it feels right. There, the Razzies are but a wet fart that happened only once, many years ago. There, people get more excited for the newest Iggy Pop song (he’s still at it!) than the newest from Justin Timberlake. There, nobody live-tweets anything. There, life is still dumb, but it’s just a little bit better.

 

 

Welcome to Daily Grindhouse’s third Bizarro Oscars event. Since the nominations for the 90th Academy Awards will be announced tomorrow morning, we thought we’d provide you with our own alternate-universe take on award-season tomfoolery, minus all the prognosticating and musical numbers. Well, mostly minus the musical numbers. Here’s some fitting orchestral-type musical accompaniment for your reading pleasure —

 

Hit play and keep scrolling!

 

 

 

The rules are fairly simple. Whatever rules we do have can change as we like. Everyone who participated had the freedom to add categories to the list of options provided to them. If there was something they wanted to mention, they did. We  printed everyone’s responses. If more than one title or performer was mentioned in the same category, you’ll see it as a list.  If only one thing was nominated, it wins automatically. All the nominees are winners, in our eyes. This is one award show where it really is its own honor to be nominated. (Although there are a few categories no one in their right mind should want to win.)

Mostly this is about recognizing the stuff we love, the stuff that most award shows will never mention. Even when there’s stuff we complain about, it’s because we cared enough to watch it in the first place. So nobody go getting your feelings hurt, okay? That’s not the aim.

Lastly, beware…

 

 

*S*P*O*I*L*E*R*S* *A*B*O*U*N*D*

And now, without anymore prefacing, here they are…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daily Grindhouse’s 2017/2018 Bizarro Oscars!

 

 

BEST END CREDITS SEQUENCE

 

KONG: SKULL ISLAND (John C. Reilly’s epilogue, not the “set-up some sequels” business) [Kevin Maher]
 
THE DISASTER ARTIST [Rob Dean]

 

 

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL.2 [Albert Muller]

 

 

THE DISASTER ARTIST [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

 

The Pure And The Damned,” GOOD TIME. That one broke me. [Jon Abrams]

 

 

BEST PERFORMANCE IN A BAD MOVIE

 

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Oscar Isaac in SUBURBICON [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

 

Jennifer Jason Leigh (AMITYVILLE: THE AWAKENING): What the hell is Jennifer Jason Leigh doing in a movie that feels like it could have been dumped to video store shelves in 1998?  Outside of, well, turning in a decent performance in a movie that dips a toe into a pool of meta-ness and then runs shiveringly away from it.  She was also in GOOD TIME, though, so I’ll forgive her. [Paul Freitag-Fey]

 

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Aaron Taylor-Johnson in THE WALL [Matt Wedge]

 

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Rihanna in VALERIAN AND THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS [Rob Dean]

 

 

 

 

 

 

Takeshi Kitano in GHOST IN THE SHELL [Jon Abrams]

 

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BEST MOVIE YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T SEE

 

I feel like film nerd consciousness kind of slept on LADY MACBETH, a perfectly-rendered telling of Nikolai Leskov’s twisted short story. It’s such an impressive feat of filmmaking that manages to be both chillingly cold and totally captivating – a balance that a few other films tried to capture and didn’t quite get the “compelling” part. (I’m looking at you, KILLING OF A SACRED DEER.) What happened? LADY MACBETH did well at festivals and got a fairly substantial release for a small film, and it still made less than the dang IMAX screenings of the awful Inhumans pilot. [Paul Freitag-Fey]

 

A GRAY STATE  [Jon Abrams]
 
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THE SHAPE OF WATER [Albert Muller]

 

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i don’t feel at home in this world anymore [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

 

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THE UNTAMED  [Matt Wedge]

 

 

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BRIGSBY BEAR and MY FRIEND DAHMER [Rob Dean]

 

BEST SCORE FROM A MOVIE YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T SEE

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Aesop Rock for BUSHWICK [Jon Abrams]

 

 

BEST SOUNDTRACK ALBUM FROM A MOVIE YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T SEE

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GHOST IN THE SHELL. It’s the 2017 equivalent of the STRANGE DAYS soundtrack. (It’s good!) [Jon Abrams]

 

 

JUST PLAIN BEST SCORE

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Steve Moore for MAYHEM [Rob Dean]

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Hans Zimmer & Benjamin Wallfisch for BLADE RUNNER 2049 [Albert Muller]

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Michael Giacchino for WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES. [Alejandra Gonzalez]

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Michael Giacchino’s score for WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES. [Matt Wedge]

 

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Oneohtrix Point Never, GOOD TIME. [Jon Abrams]

 

 

BEST SOUNDTRACK DROP

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The Passenger,” I, TONYA. [Jon Abrams]

 

BEST THEME SONG

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Plastic Heart,” JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 2. Did you know there was a John Wick theme song? Now you do. And the lyrics mention sharks! Victory. [Jon Abrams]

WORST SEQUEL

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EVIL BONG 666. Fun enough to watch, but entirely incomprehensible for newcomers to the EVIL BONG franchise. [Jon Abrams]

BEST SEQUEL

 

[Three-way tie! Jon Abrams]

Creep 2 Movie Poster

CREEP 2

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CULT OF CHUCKY

War for the Planet of the Apes Movie Poster

WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES 

 

BEST SEQUEL SOUNDTRACK DROP

 

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Slow Slippy,” T2 TRAINSPOTTING [Jon Abrams]

 

UGLIEST MOVIE

 

Justice League Movie Poster
JUSTICE LEAGUE [Alejandra Gonzalez]

Kingsman: The Golden Circle Movie Poster

KINGSMAN: THE GOLDEN CIRCLE [Rob Dean]

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KUSO. Awesomely ugly! [Jon Abrams]

 

 

PRETTIEST MOVIE

Coco Movie Poster

Call Me by Your Name Movie Poster

CALL ME BY YOUR NAME  [Rob Dean]

The Beguiled Movie Poster

THE BEGUILED [Matt Wedge]
Raw Movie Poster
RAW  [Jon Abrams]

Good Time Movie Poster

It’s dark material, but GOOD TIME gives you the beautifully neon-lit crime noir of THIEF or DRIVE without feeling as though it’s too indebted to either of those films’ (or those films’ filmmakers’) look and feel. The Safdie Brothers made breaking your brother out of prison through the dumbest means ever look stunning. [Paul Freitag-Fey]

 

DUMBEST MOVIE

 

CHiPs Movie Poster

47 Meters Down Movie Poster

47 METERS DOWN [Kevin Maher]
The Assignment Movie Poster
THE ASSIGNMENT [Matt Wedge]

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Movie Poster

VALERIAN AND THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS [Rob Dean]

 

Bright Movie Poster
BRIGHT. Just because it’s the most obvious answer doesn’t mean it isn’t the right one.  [Jon Abrams]

Unfriend Movie Poster

Let’s pretend that the logic behind FRIEND REQUEST, in which an outcast young woman befriends a popular girl, then kills herself and comes back from the dead (or something) to start killing her friends.  Let’s pretend that the characters act in normal, human ways instead of reacting to things in ways no human being would ever react.  Let’s even go so far as to pretend that FRIEND REQUEST features solid performances, clever plot twists and creative scare sequences.  After all of this pretending, you’re still left with a movie in which the put-upon, outcast artist character is meant to be the bad guy in a field of obnoxious “popular” kids whom you just want to see mercilessly murdered anyway.  Anyone needing to point out that social media is awful can just point at the existence of the shitty, shitty movies that social networking has spawned, with FRIEND REQUEST being the primary example. [Paul Freitag-Fey]
 

 

BEST DUMB MOVIE

 

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter Movie Poster
RESIDENT EVIL: THE FINAL CHAPTER  [Kevin Maher]
Beyond Skyline Movie Poster
BEYOND SKYLINE [Matt Wedge]

Atomic Blonde Movie Poster

ATOMIC BLONDE [Rob Dean]

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SAVAGE DOG [Albert Muller]

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Movie Poster

VALERIAN AND THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS  [Jon Abrams]

 

 

 

WORST HERO

 

Superman (Henry Cavill) in JUSTICE LEAGUE. [Rob Dean]

 

Officer Daryl Ward (Will Smith) in BRIGHT [Matt Wedge]

 

Tim Hiddleston as Redundant White Manly Guy in KONG: SKULL ISLAND. [Jon Abrams]

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Movie Poster

I love the City of a Thousand Planets part of VALERIAN AND THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS – it’s obviously a completely-conceived world in which every location was thought out.  The Valerian parts, however, encompass most of the film, and giving us both he and the curiously non-titular-even-though-they’re-basically-both-the-stars Laureline as tour guides is like having Ben Stein narrate a rollercoaster ride.  Constantly prattling and having battles over a relationship we’re never given any reason to care about, the heroes of VALERIAN suck all of the energy out of what could have been an amazing film.  My congrats go to the winners of the “Win a Starring Role in a Luc Besson Film” contest that clearly served as casting, but it’s a shame the rest of us had to suffer.  [Paul Freitag-Fey]

 

BEST VILLAIN

 

Strickland (Michael Shannon) in THE SHAPE OF WATER [Rob Dean]

 

Bo Dawg (Jeremy Lawson), HAPPY HUNTING  [Jon Abrams]

 

Pennywise, IT [Albert Muller]

 

TIE: Jon Hamm, BABY DRIVER and Kurt Russell, GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, VOL. 2 [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

TIE: Martin (Barry Keoghan) in THE KILLING OF A SACRED DEER and Rose (Allison Williams) in GET OUT. [Matt Wedge]

 

 

Look, Michael Shannon is outright terrifying in anything he elects to be terrifying in, but THE SHAPE OF WATER may just be peak Michael Shannon terrifying. [Paul Freitag-Fey]

 

BEST EVIL HENCHMAN

 

David Hewlitt as Fleming in THE SHAPE OF WATER [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

Dez (Jane Levy) from I DON’T FEEL AT HOME IN THIS WORLD ANYMORE.  [Matt Wedge]

 

The Shocker (Bokeem Woodbine) in SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING [Rob Dean]

 

Ares (Ruby Rose), JOHN WICK CHAPTER 2 [Albert Muller]

 

There’s plenty to love about I, TONYA, but Paul Walter Hauser’s performance as Shawn Echkardt is easily one of the highlights.  Playing Eckhardt as a dumb goofus is a relatively easy thing to do, but Hauser isn’t just a goofus, but a convincing goofus, someone so completely caught up in his own bullshit that he’s even convinced himself that he was a secret agent. [Paul Freitag-Fey]

 

Greg Sestero (Dave Franco), THE DISASTER ARTIST. Everybody’s reading this story wrong. Tommy Wiseau is Count Dracula and Greg Sestero is his faithful Renfield. [Jon Abrams]

 

BEST PARENTS

 

Jacki Weaver & Robert Forster, SMALL CRIMES  [Jon Abrams]

 

 BEST BABY

 

Baby Buffet, mother! [Jon Abrams]

 

BEST HORROR-MOVIE MASK

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Pennywise in IT [Rob Dean]

 

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Peachfuzz in CREEP 2 [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

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Angela Trimbur’s EYES WITHOUT A FACE-inspired mask in PSYCHOPATHS. [Matt Wedge]

 

 

The geisha robots in GHOST IN THE SHELL [Jon Abrams]
 

 

BEST GIANT MONSTER

Surtur in THOR: RAGNAROK [Rob Dean]
COLOSSAL [Kevin Maher]

 

The kaiju, COLOSSAL [Albert Muller]

 

Anne Hathaway in COLOSSAL. [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

The kaiju controlled by Gloria (Anne Hathaway) in COLOSSAL. [Matt Wedge]

 

Filmmakers were big on using genre tropes for deeper subtext this year, ranging from GET OUT to mother! to THE SHAPE OF WATER, and COLOSSAL kind of got lost in the mix, and it’s a damn shame. Gloria (Anne Hathaway) is the year’s best giant monster by far, a figure that only appears when her human counterpart steps in a certain location.  It’s a great monster, and a great performance by Hathaway that gives a hell of a lot of meaning behind the destruction she wreaks. [Paul Freitag-Fey]

 

King Kong, KONG: SKULL ISLAND. [Jon Abrams]

 

BEST WEREWOLF

No noteworthy contenders this year, but honorable mention to that gigantic wolf from THOR: RAGNAROK. [Jon Abrams]

 

BEST VAMPIRE

 
Milo (Eric Ruffin) from THE TRANSFIGURATION [Matt Wedge]

 

BEST SKELETON

 

Hector, COCO. [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

 
The guy Thor is talking to at the start of THOR: RAGNAROK. [Jon Abrams]

 

BEST SUPERHERO COSTUME

 

Peter Parker’s homemade outfit, SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING. [Rob Dean]

 

Logan’s two-piece suit, LOGAN. [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

Hulk’s birthday suit, THOR: RAGNAROK. [Jon Abrams]
 

 

BEST CHARACTER ACTOR

 

John Hawkes (With Harry Dean Stanton gone, it’s always John Hawkes.) [Albert Muller]

Michael Stuhlbarg/Jon Bernthal (tie) [Rob Dean]

 

John C. Reilly in KONG: SKULL ISLAND  [Kevin Maher]

 

TIE: Shea Whigham (KONG: SKULL ISLAND, DEATH NOTE, WHEELMAN) and Caleb Landry Jones (GET OUT, THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI, THE FLORIDA PROJECT, AMERICAN MADE) [Matt Wedge]

 

Susan Tyrrell. Oh, you meant in 2017? Willem Dafoe. Such a basically decent dude in THE FLORIDA PROJECT, and then Japanese Satan in DEATH NOTE. Also Macon Blair (SMALL CRIMES, THE FLORIDA PROJECT, LOGAN LUCKYi don’t feel at home in this world anymore)! [Jon Abrams]

 

 

BEST EXTRA

 

Librarian, IT. [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

Old lady in library, IT or the zealots at the end of mother! [Rob Dean]

 

Man eating cake at the bus stop in THE SHAPE OF WATER [Paul Freitag-Fey]

 

Probably someone in WILSON (which I haven’t actually seen) [Kevin Maher]

 

Okay, the guy who Willem Dafoe chases off in THE FLORIDA PROJECT — was he an actor? I’m having a hell of a time getting a clear answer. If that was an acting performance, then give that guy something. (And if it wasn’t, then somebody toss him in a cell, please.)  [Jon Abrams]

 

 

BEST DESERVES-HER-OWN-MOVIE CHARACTER

 

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Bubble (Rihanna), VALERIAN AND THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS [Jon Abrams]

 

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Diane (Laura Dern), Twin Peaks: The Return. [Alejandra Gonzalez]

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Rose Tico (Kelly Marie Tran), STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI [Rob Dean]

 

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Laura (Dafne Keen) from LOGAN [Matt Wedge]

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Bad Ape (Steve Zahn), WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES.  [Kevin Maher]

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Cyril (Lesley Manville) in PHANTOM THREAD doesn’t steal every moment she’s in – she merely borrows it from the leads, carefully placing it back in their hands but clearly making her presence on it felt. Daniel Day-Lewis’s Reynolds Woodcock may be in charge of his designs, but Cyril controls his world, even in ways that are invisible to the eye. Almost like some sort of — hang on, I’ll get it. [Paul Freitag-Fey]

 

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MOST CINEMATIC SHITKICKERS IN ONE PLACE

 

Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Vin Diesel, Bradley Cooper, Michael Rooker, Karen Gillan, Sylvester Stallone, and Kurt Russell in GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, VOL. 2 [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Vin Diesel, Bradley Cooper, Michael Rooker, Karen Gillan, Sylvester Stallone, and Kurt Russell in GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, VOLUME 2 [Rob Dean]

 

Samuel L. Jackson, John Goodman, Brie Larson, Jing Tian, Richard Jenkins, John Ortiz, Corey Hawkins, Jason Mitchell, Shea Whigham, Terry Notary, and John C. Reilly — basically everyone but Tom Hiddleston — in KONG: SKULL ISLAND [Jon Abrams]
 

 

BEST CATCHPHRASE

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“This is not going to go the way you think.” — STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI. [Rob Dean]

 

“Apes together strong.” — WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES.  [Kevin Maher]

 

 

 

BEST OUGHT-TO-BE-A-CATCHPHRASE

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“He’s a friend from work!” — THOR: RAGNAROK [Rob Dean]
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“I’m about to get nekkid.” – Joe Bang (Daniel Craig) in LOGAN LUCKY  [Matt Wedge]

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“Apes together strong.” — WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES.  [Kevin Maher]

 

 

BEST LINE, IN CONTEXT

 

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“You don’t think that’s what the Lord looks like, do you?” — THE SHAPE OF WATER. [Rob Dean]

 

 

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“I’m confused. What do you want?”

“For people to not be assholes.” — i don’t feel at home in this world anymore [Jon Abrams]

 

 

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“Who the fuck is on top their first time?” — LADY BIRD. [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

BEST LINE IN OR OUT OF CONTEXT

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“Yeah, and it’ll be dope as shit, too.” — BRIGSBY BEAR. [Rob Dean]

 

“And now I’m going to have to kill this fucking clown.” — IT. [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

“And now I’m going to have to kill this fucking clown.” — IT. [Albert Muller]
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“I think something very important is happening and it’s deeply connected to my purpose.” — GOOD TIME. [Jon Abrams]

 

 Image result for I think something very important is happening and it's deeply connected to my purpose
 

BEST NICOLAS CAGE MOVIE

 

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MOM AND DAD [Rob Dean]

 

 

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VENGEANCE: A LOVE STORY [Jon Abrams]
 

 

BEST DANNY TREJO MOVIE

 

DEAD AGAIN IN TOMBSTONE (also a contender for Best Sequel!) [Jon Abrams]

 

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The episode of BROOKLYN NINE-NINE where he plays Rosa’s dad. [Rob Dean]

 
 

 

BEST FIGHT

 

Opening sequence of THE VILLAINESS. [Rob Dean]

 

 

The entirety of JOHN WICK 2 [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

 

Vince Vaughn vs. anyone & everyone, BRAWL IN CELL BLOCK 99 [Albert Muller]

 

The climactic, over-the-top battle that ends BLADE OF THE IMMORTAL [Matt Wedge]

 

Calvin the snot-alien vs. Ryan Reynolds, LIFE. [Kevin Maher]

 

 

BEST CAR

 

The car they stumble upon blasting The Psychedelic Furs in CALL ME BY YOUR NAME [Rob Dean]

 

The car Vince Vaughn destroys in BRAWL IN CELL BLOCK 99  [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

BEST CAR CHASE

 

THE VILLAINESS [Albert Muller]

 

First chase in BABY DRIVER  [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

BABY DRIVER‘s opening chase [Rob Dean]

 

 

The final chase in WHEELMAN. Fuck BABY DRIVER. [Jon Abrams]

 

Oh, sure, BABY DRIVER is the obvious choice, but Begbie seeing Mark Renton in the parking garage in TRAINSPOTTING 2 (I will not call this T2: TRAINSPOTTING) is probably the most perilous.  Other car chases have their high stakes, but for reasons that anyone who’s seen TRAINSPOTTING can attest to, Begbie is basically a deranged lunatic with perfectly understandable reasons for slaughtering the kid.  It’s a downright scary scene, even if only one person is actually in a car. [Paul Freitag-Fey]

 

BEST DOG

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Dante in COCO [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

Fenris Wolf in THOR: RAGNAROK [Rob Dean]

 

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The black dog in GERALD’S GAME. He wasn’t exactly playing a good guy, but that was a terrific dog acting performance. [Jon Abrams]

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Probably ROCK DOG because he rocks. [Paul Freitag-Fey]

 

 

 

BEST CAT

 

Bodega cat, SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING. [Jon Abrams]

 

 

 

 

BEST IMAGINARY ANIMAL

 

 

OKJA (That’s right, we snub Porgs here!) [Jon Abrams]

 

 

 

BEST AMERICAN

 

 

Rod Williams (Lil Rel Howery) in GET OUT [Rob Dean]

 

Jon Hamm for killing Kevin Spacey in BABY DRIVER [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

Usually John Goodman’s award to lose (he and Keanu are the Meryl Streep and the Dame Judi Dench of the Bizarro Oscars), but this year it’s Gal Gadot in a walk. Yeah, she isn’t American. That’s kinda the point. [Jon Abrams]
 

 

BEST CANADIAN

Wolverine in LOGAN [Rob Dean]

 

Kim Coates reprising his role as the hard-as-nails minor league hockey coach in GOON: LAST OF THE ENFORCERS [Matt Wedge]

 

Bruce Greenwood (GERALD’S GAME, KINGSMAN: THE GOLDEN CIRCLE, THE POST), for being so frequently cast as the essence of American male authority. How many Kennedys has he played so far? He’s from Québec! Now that’s funny.  [Jon Abrams]

 

Christopher Plummer as Kevin Spacey’s replacement in ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD.  [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

BEST AUSTRALIAN

Usually this award goes to Margot Robbie, and it easily could again because in I, TONYA she went the whole Jaime Pressly and that always needs to be saluted. But this year let’s give Samara Weaving some justly-deserved shine — whatever you think of THE BABYSITTER, MAYHEM, and THREE BILLBOARDS, she was great in all of them, and in vastly different ways.

 

BEST WORST MOVIE

 The Book of Henry Movie Poster

THE BOOK OF HENRY [Rob Dean]

 

WORST BEST MOVIE

The Greatest Showman Movie Poster
THE GREATEST SHOWMAN [Rob Dean]

MOVIE OF THE DAMNED OF THE YEAR

Kidnap Movie Poster

Halle Berry, alone and adrift in #MAGA country in KIDNAP. No, it’s not a great movie. But it’s the first revenge movie I’ve seen so far in our current era that recognizes who the real villains are.  [Jon Abrams]

 

BEST HERO MOMENT

John Wick takes out all the baddies in the third-act montage sequence in JOHN WICK: CHAPTER TWO [Rob Dean]

No Man’s Land, WONDER WOMAN.  [Alejandra Gonzalez]

Everything that Caesar (Andy Serkis) does in the third act of WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES. [Matt Wedge]
 

Is it any question?  There’s plenty of superheroics, but the No Man’s Land sequence in WONDER WOMAN wasn’t just a heroic moment, it was a release of superheroine badassery that felt as though it had been building up since the new superhero movie era started. [Paul Freitag-Fey]

 

When Gilbert Gottfried starts cracking up at the convention cosplayer in the SS uniform, GILBERT. [Jon Abrams]

 

BEST “FUCK YOU” MOMENT

 

David Lynch to all of us at the end of Twin Peaks: The Return [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

(Spoiler!) Vince Vaughn’s sympathetic, yet crazy violent antihero in BRAWL IN CELL BLOCK 99 decapitating the sleazy villain by stomping his head into a hole in a cement floor that had been used as a disgusting makeshift toilet. [Matt Wedge]

 

Vince Vaughn destroys a guy’s head in climax of BRAWL IN CELL BLOCK 99 [Rob Dean]

 
What happens in the third act of GET OUT (no spoilers)   [Kevin Maher]

 

 

When Jancey and Moonee essentially leave the entire movie in the last scene of THE FLORIDA PROJECT.  [Jon Abrams]

 

 

BEST OF THE YEAR. JUST THE BEST. THAT’S IT. BEST.

Tessa Thompson.  [Jon Abrams]

 

BEST OPENING CREDITS SEQUENCE

 

 

Redbone“, GET OUT [Alejandra Gonzalez]

 

 

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, VOL. 2 [Rob Dean]

 

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, VOL. 2 [Kevin Maher]

 

 

It’s got to be THE VILLAINESS. I also dug the HELL IN THE PACIFIC re-enactment that kicks off KONG: SKULL ISLAND. [Jon Abrams]

 

WHAT CATEGORY SHOULD THE REAL OSCARS HAVE THAT THEY DON’T?

 

As I say every year: Best Stunt Team. [Matt Wedge]

 

Best stunt person/ best stunt sequence. [Rob Dean]

 

 
Most eclectic career choices in one yet. (Inaugural winner: Laura Dern.) [Kevin Maher]

 

HAL NEEDHAM © MEMORIAL BEST STUNT SEQUENCE OF THE YEAR  [Jon Abrams]

 

WHAT IS THIS LIST MISSING?

 

  
Swag! [Jon Abrams]

 

MOST ANNOYING FANDOM TREND OF 2017: Declaring a season of a TV show as one of the best “movies” of the year. [Matt Wedge]

 

BEST WORST PERFORMANCE IN A GOOD-BAD MOVIE:

Salma Hayek in BEATRIZ AT DINNER [Kevin Maher]

 

WORST USE OF RICHARD E. GRANT – LOGAN [Kevin Maher]

 

WORST RECURRING TROPE – When the female character in a blockbuster is a child who doesn’t speak (LOGAN, WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES) [Kevin Maher]

 

MOST SURPRISING PERFORMANCE – Ray Romano in THE BIG SICK [Kevin Maher]

 

BEST MISLEADING TRAILER – COLOSSAL [Kevin Maher]

 

FAVORITE SNACK TO GET ME THROUGH A LONG MOVIE – a bag of BIG Sour Patch Kids during LOGAN [Kevin Maher]

 

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE NON-2017 MOVIE YOU SAW FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2017?

 

GODZILLA VS. THE SMOG MONSTER (1971) [Kevin Maher]

PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE (1974) [Alejandra Gonzalez]

BOYS IN THE TREES (2016) [Albert Muller]

BLOOD RAGE (1987) and MESSIAH OF EVIL (1973)  [Rob Dean]

TIE: THE DEVILS (1971) and DON’T TORTURE A DUCKLING (1972) [Matt Wedge]

DEAD MAN WALKING (1988), DRIVE-IN MASSACRE (1976), ELIMINATORS (1986), TEN TIGERS OF KWANGTUNG (1979), and WILD BEASTS (1984) [Jon Abrams]

 

 

 

 

See you next year!

 

 

Jon Abrams

Editor-In-Chief at Daily Grindhouse
Jon Abrams is a New York-based writer, cartoonist, and committed cinemaniac whose complete work and credits can be found at his site, Demon’s Resume. You can contact him on Twitter as @JonZilla___.
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