EXCLUSIVE: (New York, NY) Eagle-eyed trendspotters have noticed the recent rush by savvy producers to take every beloved movie, TV show, and pop culture character ever, and transform their stories into Broadway extravaganzas.  Having recently made his first foray into the popular 3D format with HUGO, bolstered by his long history of making rock documentaries from THE LAST WALTZ to SHINE A LIGHT, esteemed film director Martin Scorsese is now taking a leap into musical theater, planning to reunite many of the original cast members of his 1990 mob classic GOODFELLAS for an upbeat jubilee sure to delight tourists and elderly white people everywhere.

And of course, some gimpy choad who writes for the New York Post is excited about it, since now this finally explains GOODFELLAS to women.

Anonymous sources close to the production have circulated a rough draft of the cast album, featuring the majority of the proposed musical numbers in the show as performed by the surviving members of the original cast of the film:



Overture/ You Popped Your Cherry

Paul Sorvino, Robert De Niro, Company


Ray Liotta, Tony Darrow, Paul Sorvino

I’m Gonna Go Get The Papers (Get The Papers)

Anthony “Jimmy Two Times” Powers, Ray Liotta, Company

Funny How?

Joe Pesci, Ray Liotta, Robert De Niro

Fuckin’ Mumbling Stuttering Little Fuck (The Oklahoma Kid)

Joe Pesci, Michael Imperioli

Jew Broads

Joe Pesci, Ray Liotta, Lorraine Bracco

Bobby Vinton Sent Us Champagne

Lorraine Bracco, Ray Liotta, Company

Schmuck On Wheels

Chuck Low, Ray Liotta, Robert De Niro

Don’t Go Busting My Balls/ Go Get Your Shine Box (duet)

Joe Pesci, Frank Vincent





One Dog Goes One Way

Joe Pesci, Robert De Niro, Ray Liotta


Robert De Niro, Company

The Lonesome Death Of Stacks Edwards (Make That Coffee To Go)

Samuel L. Jackson, Joe Pesci

Real Greaseball Shit (Revenge For Billy Bats)

Ray Liotta, Robert De Niro, Joe Pesci

The Whore Living In 2R

Debi Mazar, Lorraine Bracco, Ray Liotta

Carbone’s Meat Locker Soliloquy

Frank Sivero

Marinara Sauce In Purgatory

Ray Liotta, Lorraine Bracco, Paul Sorvino, Kevin Corrigan, Welker White

An Average Nobody (The Great Train Robbery) (grand finale)

Ray Liotta, Company




GOODFELLAS: THE MUSICAL!, coming to Broadway in 2017.

Book by Trey Parker & Matt Stone and Stephen Sondheim. Music by Kanye West and Mick Jagger & Keith Richards. Stage design and puppetry by Julie Taymor.





Meanwhile, GOODFELLAS: THE FILM is playing in New York City at Film Forum in a splendid restoration, from Friday June 19th through Thursday June 25th. If you haven’t seen it on the big screen, you need to, and this is the perfect way to do it.




And of course, for more up-to-the-minute “showbiz” updates, follow @jonnyabomb on Twitter!








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  • Reply
    June 20, 2015

    Fucking hilarious. Thanks for the laughs. I can hear the tunes already. I’ll be singing Fuckin’ Mumbling Stuttering Little Fuck & Go Get Your Shine Box in the shower tomorrow morning.

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