Your first warning that all is not right with this film is Lou Ferigno and his beard. Ferigno is the Hulk, not Herc. I hate to typecast the meathead but sometimes when you have zero charisma and a lot of muscles, being painted green isn’t such a bad gig. HERCULES co-stars bad dubbing, Sybil Danning’s breasts, Brad Harris (co-star of the THREE FANTASTIC SUPERMEN series) and is directed by Luigi Cozzi who STAR CRASHes this flick before it even starts.
The Narrator begins with this: On the green isle of Thera, in its’ capitol Atlantis, Cassiopeia awaits hopelessly the night of her sacrifice. Meanwhile, Hercules and the sorceress Circe cross the rainbow that will lead them to the gates of Hell.
Ah yes, rainbows. Always so deceiving. So just after that wraps up, things go south faster than a Tijuana hooker. It all starts with a random space eyeball, some planet humping to spawn a universe, and the birth of Herc who will soon be fighting off snakes and proving his strength by cleaning stables full of shit (somehow, the townspeople are very impressed by this). At some point after that there is a story followed by credits which the viewer will be thankful for. Keep your eyes open though. You will want to fall asleep after the first 20 minutes or so but if you do you’ll miss Herc fighting a giant bear, eventually tossing him into space. You would feel like a real dick if you missed that.
If Ferigno took this as a joke then he is a genius who succeeded beyond his wildest dreams (which probably also co-star Sybil Danning’s breasts). Odds are he took this role to just pay the bills… and to be close to Sybil Danning’s breasts. Another possibility is that he took this role to really get into this Hercules character to see what makes him tick and to find his place in this laser filled world. We won’t give away the answer but it rhymes with Shmible Flanning’s Smreasts.
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