THE 2016 BIZARRO OSCARS! BY THE DAILY GRINDHOUSE STAFF


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The Oscar nominations were announced this morning, which can mean only one thing: Time for the Bizarro Oscars! The only rule of the Bizarro Oscars is that there are no rules. Some more rules that we made up this time around: Everyone who participated had to put their name next to their nominations so you can yell at us if you don’t like what we chose, and also everything that gets nominated is a winner.

 

Here’s the inaugural edition from 2014, for reference. It probably doesn’t explain much.

 

We didn’t get it done for 2015. Very Bizarro.
And now, 2016.

 

BEST END CREDITS SEQUENCE

DEADPOOL

(Anya Novak)

KEANU

(Kevin Maher)

BEST PERFORMANCE IN A BAD MOVIE

Viola Davis, SUICIDE SQUAD.

(Jon Abrams)

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Maria Bello, LIGHTS OUT

(Mike Vanderbilt)

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Richard Brake (as Doom Head) in 31

(Anya Novak)

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Laura Linney’s hair in NOCTURNAL ANIMALS.

(Kevin Maher)

 

BEST MOVIE YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T SEE

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SHIN GODZILLA

(Jon Abrams)

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THEY LOOK LIKE PEOPLE

(Matt Wedge)

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THE WAILING

(Anya Novak)

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INDEPENDENCE DAY: RESURGENCE

(Mike Vanderbilt)

 

BEST SCORE FROM A MOVIE YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T SEE (OR JUST PLAIN BEST SCORE)

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THE SNARE

(Anya Novak)

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ASSASSIN’S CREED

(Jon Abrams)

 

PRETTIEST MOVIE

 

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THE HANDMAIDEN

(Matt Wedge)

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THE NEON DEMON

(Anya Novak)

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THE LOVE WITCH

(Mike Vanderbilt)

 

 

BEST ANTIHERO

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John Wayne Cleaver, I AM NOT A SERIAL KILLER

(Anya Novak)

 

BEST VILLAIN

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Darcy Banker (Patrick Stewart) from GREEN ROOM

(Mike Vanderbilt)

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Black Phillip from THE WITCH

(Anya Novak)

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The Shark in THE SHALLOWS

(Kevin Maher)

BEST EVIL HENCHMAN

 

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Caleb Landry Jones as Birdwell in WAR ON EVERYONE (Matt Wedge)

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All of the Red Laces, GREEN ROOM

(Anya Novak)

 

BEST HORROR-MOVIE MASK

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THE PURGE: ELECTION YEAR

(Mike Vanderbilt)

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The Driver in FENDER BENDER

(Matt Wedge)

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HUSH

(Anya Novak)

 

BEST MONSTER

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The Easter Bunny, HOLIDAYS

(Anya Novak)

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This little dude from THE MASTER CLEANSE

(Jon Abrams)

 

BEST GIANT MONSTER

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SHIN GODZILLA

(Anya Novak)

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Super-Size Paul Rudd in CIVIL WAR

(Jon Abrams)

 

BEST RANDOM LARRY FESSENDEN APPEARANCE

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CARNAGE PARK

(Anya Novak)

 

BEST WEREWOLF

No contenders. (See, 2016 sucked!)

 

BEST VAMPIRE

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THE NEON DEMON

(Mike Vanderbilt)

BEST SKELETON

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THE AUTOPSY OF JANE DOE 

(Mike Vanderbilt)

Whatever’s going on in the last shot of SHIN GODZILLA

(Jon Abrams)

BEST SUPERHERO COSTUME
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Katana from SUICIDE SQUAD

(Mike Vanderbilt)

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Deadpool.

(Anya Novak)

 

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Black Panther.

(Jon Abrams)

 

 

BEST DUO

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Ryan Gosling/Russell Crowe, THE NICE GUYS

(Anya Novak)

 

BEST CHARACTER ACTOR

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Michael Shannon in everything.

(Matt Wedge)

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Larry Fessenden

(Anya Novak)

 

BEST EXTRA

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Michael Shannon as “Dead Zod” in BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE

(Kevin Maher)

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Every extra and bit player in HELL OR HIGH WATER

(Matt Wedge)

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The turkey baster in DON’T BREATHE

(Anya Novak)

 

BEST DESERVES-HER-OWN-MOVIE CHARACTER

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The T-Bone Waitress from HELL OR HIGH WATER

(Matt Wedge)

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Black Phillip

(Anya Novak)

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The Bank Robber Gals from PEE-WEE’S BIG HOLIDAY

(Kevin Maher)

Tilda Swinton as basically, Yoda, in DOCTOR STRANGE

(Jon Abrams)

MOST CINEMATIC SHITKICKERS IN ONE PLACE

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Every extra and bit player in HELL OR HIGH WATER

(Matt Wedge)

The trailer to JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 2

(Jon Abrams)

 

BEST CATCHPHRASE

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“Holy mackerel!” – Brian De Palma in DE PALMA

(Matt Wedge)

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“I am one with the Force and the Force is with me.” — Chirrut Îmwe (Donnie Yen), ROGUE ONE

(Mike Vanderbilt)

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“I rebel.” — Jyn Erso (Felicity Jones), ROGUE ONE

(Anya Novak)

 

BEST OUGHT-TO-BE-A-CATCHPHRASE

“Would that it were so simple,” from HAIL, CAESAR! I’ve already started using it in conversation.

“It’s 2016. No one cares about freedom.” — Ellen Kaye (Charlotte Rampling) in ASSASSIN’S CREED

(Jon Abrams)

BEST LINE, IN CONTEXT

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“Tell somebody who gives a shit.” – GREEN ROOM

(Anya Novak / Mike Vanderbilt)

 

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“I like worrying about you.”

This line from MIDNIGHT SPECIAL captures what it means to be a parent.

(Kevin Maher)

 

BEST LINE IN OR OUT OF CONTEXT

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“Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?” — Black Philip, THE WITCH

(Anya Novak)

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“Never compare me to the JAWS Mayor. Never!” — Mayor Bradley (Andy Garcia), from GHOSTBUSTERS (a.k.a. GHOSTBUSTERS: ANSWER THE CALL)

(Kevin Maher)

 

BEST NICOLAS CAGE MOVIE

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THE TRUST

(Matt Wedge)

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DOG EAT DOG

(Mike Vanderbilt)

U.S.S. INDIANAPOLIS: MEN OF COURAGE

(Jon Abrams)

 

BEST JOHN CUSACK MOVIE

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CELL

(Jon Abrams)

BEST 50 CENT MOVIE

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POP STAR: NEVER STOP NEVER STOPPING

(Jon Abrams)

BEST DANNY TREJO MOVIE

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CYBORG X

(Jon Abrams)

BEST LIAM NEESON MOVIE

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A MONSTER CALLS 

(Jon Abrams)

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SILENCE

(Mike Vanderbilt)

BEST LUIS GUZMÁN, PERIOD.
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KEANU 

(Mike Vanderbilt & Jon Abrams)

BEST FIGHT

 

The final fight in DEADPOOL

(Anya Novak)

 

 

The second bar fight in MANCHESTER BY THE SEA

(Kevin Maher)

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Donnie Yen meets Stormtroopers in ROGUE ONE

(Jon Abrams)

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BEST CAR

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The car in FENDER BENDER

(Mike Vanderbilt)

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The “Battlecuda” from PHANTASM: RAVAGER

(Matt Wedge & Kevin Maher)

 

BEST CAR CHASE

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HELL OR HIGH WATER

(Mike Vanderbilt)

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Without giving too much away, the distraction car chase at the end of MIDNIGHT SPECIAL.

(Kevin Maher)

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That part with Black Panther chasing a car in CIVIL WAR.
BEST DOG

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That mean motherfucker in THE WAILING
BEST CAT
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Keanu (KEANU)
BEST AMERICAN

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John Goodman, 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE
BEST CANADIAN

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Ryan Gosling.

 

BEST COLLECTOR OF FRAGILE SEXIST TEARS

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Two-way tie! GHOSTBUSTERS and ROGUE ONE

(Anya Novak)

 

BEST WORST MOVIE

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HOLIDAYS

(Anya Novak)

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THE SHALLOWS

(Kevin Maher)

 

WORST BEST MOVIE

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THE NEON DEMON

(Anya Novak)

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CERTAIN WOMEN

(Kevin Maher)

BEST HERO MOMENT

 

The entire third act of ROGUE ONE(Anya Novak Mike Vanderbilt)

 

Ben defies his in-laws and brings his children to their mother’s funeral in CAPTAIN FANTASTIC.

(Kevin Maher)

 

BEST “FUCK YOU” MOMENT

 

Alexander Skarsgard and Michael Pena throwing away their lucrative careers as grafting cops to kill the shit out of a group of child pornographers in WAR ON EVERYONE.

(Matt Wedge)

 

***SPOILER***

The grave-robbing in CAPTAIN FANTASTIC.

(Kevin Maher)

BEST MOMENT WHERE WE FORGOT HOW HORRIBLE 2016 WAS

 

The “Drive It Like You Stole It” sequence in SING STREET

(Anya Novak)

 

BEST OPENING CREDITS SEQUENCE

 

I AM THE PRETTY THING THAT LIVES IN THE HOUSE

(Anya Novak)

 

WHAT CATEGORY SHOULD THE REAL OSCARS HAVE THAT THEY DON’T?

 

Best Stunt Team

(Matt Wedge)

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Hal Needham Memorial Best Stunt Sequence.

(Jon Abrams)

 

Best Monologue

(Anya Novak)

 

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE NON-2016 MOVIE YOU SAW FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2016?

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THE PREMONITION

(Matt Wedge)

JUNGLE TRAP

(Mike Vanderbilt)

 

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THE WITCH premiered at Sundance 2015, but I only saw it a few months ago. That was a great movie and I’m adding it to this year’s list, b/c most people didn’t see it until this year and I like to live deliciously.

(Anya Novak)

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HELLZAPOPPIN’ (1941)

(Kevin Maher)

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GARDEN OF EVIL (1954)

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A CAT IN THE BRAIN (1990)

(Jon Abrams)

BEST GWILLIAM

GWILLIAM

 

 

 

 

 

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Jon Abrams

Editor-In-Chief at Daily Grindhouse
Jon Abrams is a New York-based writer, cartoonist, and committed cinemaniac whose complete work and credits can be found at his site, Demon’s Resume. You can contact him on Twitter as @JonZilla___.
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